Thoughts Of A Teenage Girl
Learning what CANCER (Confusion, Anger, Nervousness, Caring, Exhaustion, Reliability) Is The Hard Way. Day One.

About a week ago I was in Hamilton, at McMaster hospital because my Dad had a brain tumor causing strokes. Many families would be crying together and worrying about anything that could possibly go wrong….. My family is staying up late, cooking and making jokes at the worst time…. Pretty much being ourselves and now that we are home and everything is different, it’s really hard to do the same.


My Dad was taken to McMasters on July 14, after his stroke/seizure. I was terrified and called my older brother, Brodie. Brodie is 28 and lives in British Columbia, I haven’t seen him in almost 2 years. I called to fill him in on everything going on and we talked for a while, then called eachother periodically to check in and give updates on my dad. My brother Shawn, who is 40 and lives in Kitchener, stayed overnight while my mom was in Hamilton and left the next morning. 

I spent the next day smoking to relax, hanging out with my bestfriend Carlina and talking to my family members. My Auntie Doris drove my mom home that night and the next morning my mom got me up early and said I was going to Hamilton with her. I asked when my Dad would be home and she told me we would talk about it there.

I walked in and saw my Dad lying in his hospital bed with three different IV’s as well as something monitoring his heart rate.
Something you should know about my Dad is that he is never sick. HE never gets sick and whenever he gets hurt he is always better within a few days. Also my dad is the most emotionally strong person I know, he is always the one who has been there for me. Whenever I fought with my mom (which is a lot), he would stand up for me, whenever something went wrong he was the one I could always lean on. My dad was always strong for everyone and he could always make me smile and feel like everything would be ok. 
My mom told me to sit down because they had something to tell me. I knew something was seriously wrong when I sat on the edge of my dad’s bed and he reached for my hand. Then, my mom said “honey they did a scan of daddies brain to find out what caused the seizure and they found a brain tumor, he has had it for months, but it has grown substantially and I am so sorry”.

When she said this a million and one things went through my head, most of them were something like “what the f*ck, this can’t be happening” but the main one was “why, why Dad? It’s not fair”. I looked at my Dad and for the first time I saw my Dad cry. I am not exaggerating when I say it physically hurt to see him cry, my heart hurt, my throat hurt and my head felt like it was about to explode. All I could say was “Daddy it’ll be ok, you will be ok” and I still don’t know whether I was trying to convince him or myself. After about 5 minutes of saying it would be ok, I couldn’t talk, I had no idea what to say and I did NOT trust my voice.

Later that day I also learned that my Dad was going to have brain surgery to have the tumor removed. But, because of where it was, it was there were a lot of risks and none of us knew if he would live through the surgery.
That night I slept about 2 hours.

For every Reblog 1$ will be donated to my autistic brothers fundraiser :)


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99% of people won’t reblog this because they think it’ll make their blog look as shitty as their heart.

Fallen Angel

wrote this song in the end of June and promised my friend Noelle I would put it on my tumlbr… a little late but Noelle I hope you’re happy

her rock, her base, you stood so strong
your heart she held for oh so long
you always caught her each time she fell
that girl saw you as her angel

as time went by and feelings were told
despite the love, your hearts grew cold
you never let her feel like she was alone
and completely disregarded, all problems of your own

but standing by her side was not as easy as it seemed
wiping tears that she cried, calming all her screams
she told you that she loved you, looked into your eyes
you knew you still felt the same, but it had cost a price

take a deep breath in it will all be alright
with the bottle in your hand you’ll forget tonight
you know you wont forget her, she knows that you still try
and even thought shes told you to, you havent said goodbye
she doesnt know who you are, just who you used to be
the lover and the bestfriend, the one she’ll always need
shes sorry that she broke you, she knows shes why you fell
and now all there’s left to look at, is her fallen angel

you say your only happy when the drink is affects your mind
but each sip your drifting farther from all of those you left behind
the talks you tried to have with her, once she became strong
always left you smiling, but then something went wrong

she never meant to hurt you, watching you fall apart
she now understands, the toll it took on your heart
she thought that you just didnt care about her anymore
but now she sees you’ve died inside, broken, bruised and torn

take a deep breath in it will all be alright
with the bottle in your hand you’ll forget tonight
you know you wont forget her, she knows that you still try
and even thought shes told you to, you havent said goodbye
she doesnt know who you are, just who you used to be
the lover and the bestfriend, the one she’ll always need
shes sorry that she broke you, she knows shes why you fell
and now all there’s left to look at, is her fallen angel

you were an angel, come down from the sky
you listened when she screamed and stayed when she cried
she said, you were her angel, her gift from god above
but in the end she broke you by holding back her love
so try to forget her, it wont be any help
when the one who can help you is the reason that you fell

she takes a deep breath in, hoping you’re alright
she knows you’re probably drinking once again tonight
if she’d controlled her temper there’d be no need to cry
although she has said leave me, she needs you by her side
you have lost who you were and cant find what you need
bestfriends and lovers is how you both used to be
you knew that she would break you, from the start you fell
but no matter what she says, you’re still that girls angel

Teenage Romance? Check the fiction section in your local library

Fairy Tale Teenage Love Story

Boy meets Girl. Boy and Girl become bestfriends and Boy falls in love with girl. Girl lives an amazing life with perfect friends and the perfect family in the perfect home and gets perfect grades and a perfect school. everything is freaking perfect. Girl realizes she loves Boy. Boy and Girl confess their feeling and everyone lives happily ever after. <- WRONG

Real Life Teenage Love Story

Boy meets Girl. Boy falls in love with girl even though she dates most of his friends. Boy never tells girl how he feels. Girl has crush on Boy, but doesn’t say anything because she wants to be friends and that would be weird. Boy and Girl become friends. Girl goes through a very bad breakup, mental breakdowns, arguments with basically everyone she loves, but Boy never leaves her side or judges her. Boy and Girl become bestfriends when Girl makes a big mistake with another guy and Boy offers her help. Girl falls for Boy and falls fast. Girl and Boy become very close friends and get married online, both keep saying how it is not real at all and doesn’t mean anything to them. Both lie. Boy and Girl become incredibly close and Girl starts actually caring about Boy more than she has cared about anyone else in a very long time. Boy and Girl have amazing friendship. Tragedy strikes and Girl loses a family member. Girl becomes upset and distant from everyone and begins to push Boy away. All hell breaks lose. Boy and Girl fight. Girl dates Boy’s bestfriend. Girl feels awful and tries to apologize to Boy. Boy forgives her (he always does). Girl breaks up with Boy’s bestfriend. Boy and Girl become close again and try to talk things out. After 5 months Boy and Girl still aren’t back to normal. Boy and Girl can’t talk things out, but still start to build a relationship. 6 months since they got married Boy seems to give up. Girl tries to talk to Boy but doesn’t see him enough to. Girl realizes that the reason things changed was not him, it was her. Girl wishes she could go back and fix it but she can’t. Girl and Boy lose their friendship and the relationship they built. No one lives happily ever after.

Love is possibly the hardest thing about being a teenager. Especially when it doesn’t work out because of something you did. I messed up and unfortunately, even though this Boy annoys the hell outta me, is stubborn and occasionally has made me cry (and want to throw things at him), he was my bestfriend. Honestly I would go back to how we were when we were friends if I could. I don’t regret it because he made me smile, but now looking back I would have rather been his bestfriend and kept our friendship than have tried to turn him into a boyfriend and ruin anything we had. If he is ever reading this, he knows exactly who he is. I made everything serious and dramatic between us when we used to be carefree and non-judgmental. As a teenager life changes and people change with it.. however, thanks to this I have learned that sometimes people change with out meaning to and when that happens you have to take a step back and look at who you are and what you have become.

Boy Once Said To Girl: You are your own worst enemy… Girl wishes she had listened.

The End <- RIGHT

Relationships, Hookups, Makeups, Breakups, Psychotic Parents,Aggravating Teachers, Insane Friends.. Basically, Welcome to Being A Teenager

Intro!!! (skip past if you don’t wanna read my rant)

People say that highschool is the best time of your life… personally I miss preschool. There were multiple snack times (FREE FOOD-SNACKS PROVIDED), you were not punished for talking and making new friends, the only problems you had with your friends were usually over who got the better toy or the bigger cookie, the most serious problem you had in a relationship was when you played house and your husband wouldn’t clean up his toy cars and sleeping in class was encouraged… Yes I definitely miss preschool. 

BUT

I’m not here to complain about highschool or how much I miss preschool (quite a bit in case you couldn’t tell). I’m a teenage girl and I’m just here stating the facts.Highschool is not bad, at all, actually I really like it, but being a teenager in general… well, want to know little secret? Here it is, we are all insane.

We grow up wanting to be our mommies and wanting to marry our daddies, basically just wanting to make them proud. THEN we hit the magical age of 13 when you develop little things called hormones which float around your body making you do stupid things and go slightly insane.Suddenly, your chick friends become boy crazy, most of your guy buds either get girlfriends who are usually pretty cool but take away all your time w your bud or the guys seem to hit on anything that moves. At home, if you’re like me and a teenage girl, mom becomes an enemy alien, dad becomes an ally and bank and although we still want our parents to be proud, honestly most of the time don’t give a sh*t about authority

NOT ALL BAD THO

Bestfriends become closer due to all their crazy endeavors, new friends are made, class becomes more fun since their are people who will speak up and a lot of the time we will get a stronger sense of who we are.

Since we are insane, it just makes life more fun :) 

"If you’re scared of everything in life and not taking risks, theirs no fun and if life isn’t fun then you aren’t really living"